ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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