Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
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Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
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I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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