Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
