watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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