so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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