Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
