just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
