there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize