How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
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If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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