I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
