he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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