Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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