am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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