I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
