we're chasing vodka with high fives
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
