Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
