I wanna passion pit in your ass
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
