drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
