i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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