I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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