If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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