I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
this will be a night to untag.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
