He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
