didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
