I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
