Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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