Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
wanna go halves on a baby?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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