I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
