Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
