she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize