Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
