Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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