i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
