Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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