Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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