At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
