I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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