Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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