Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
