been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
