i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
