Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
