Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
