do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
