You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
