i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
