So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sext me about skeletons
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
