Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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