That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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