she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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