Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
