I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
