**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
