so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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