She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.