There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.