i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
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Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it