She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
