there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there