I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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