I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
