After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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