If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
