If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
